What Broke my day: Sunburns. Unintentional, raging, sunburns. Remember that beach date I said I had yesterday. Well it was great, but then I thought I would go for round two. Round two was fun, but a failure. I sat, listened to music, gossiped, and had awkward "how are you?" convos with people I went to high school with. Even though I had to venture into the cold, cruel, world in a swimsuit, I had a pleasurable time while there. I got there and immediately lathered up with sunscreen: SPF 50, for your information. My grandfather and Aunt both died of cancer. My Grandmother and Great-Grandmother died within hours of each other, both of cancer. Cancer stole my chance of Grandparents, and I'm terrified of getting it. So I loaded up, and began to lay out. Well, at least I thought I loaded up. Let's put it this way: never trust me to paint your house. I guess I didn't evenly apply my sun screen, and now I look like a cross between an albino dalmatian and a baboon. Why a baboon, you ask? Well I guess I didn't effectively cover my butt in the UV protecting serum, and now I have a red ass. Yeah, it's SUPER attractive, and painful, and disgusting. It's like a giant, fire-engine red exlamation point pointing to my butt saying, "LOOK AT ME, I'M GOING TO GET CANCER!" In addition to that I have red spots all over my body that itch, giant red spots, which make me look like I have some kind of contagious flesh-eating skin disease. It's painful, not attractive, and makes me fear that I will get cancer. I've never been to a tanning salon, and I try to always put on sunscreen, but apparently I failed today, and now I'm going to die of cancer. FML. These red patchy blotches of superheated skin that feel like someone is hitting me with a whip(and possibly a chain, because I may be bad, but I am perfectly good at it) every time I sit down mean several sad things that break my day. I have to put away those booty shorts (SAD...RIGHT?), I'm sticky from the aloe vera, and I'm dehydrated and tired. Oh so depressing.
What made my day: Learning phrases in other languages. I am trying to learn Italian because I plan on going there very soon to visit my friend, and I've always wanted to go to Europe. But I should clarify, I love learning DIRTY phrases in other languages. I can say dirty things effectively in two languages. It's fun being able to say something inappropriate, and not have certain people know what you are saying. It's the only way I can swear in front of my mother without her scolding me too, because I can just tell her it means puppy tails and she would be none the wiser. Plus, I can call people things and they don't even know. Plus, plus, it's super funny. To be able to communicate with your peers, you need to be able to speak like them. Let's face it, people my age tend to speak dirty with our raging hormones and need to rebel from our parents. So, by learning these words I know that all the hot Italian boys will most definitely understand what I'm saying when I'm over there. I can say a plethora of things in Italian, and one in Danish. In danish I can say "Look at those boob udders." It was supposed to be 'look at those pretty islands," according to my friend, but with our American accents 'pretty islands' translates to 'boob utters.' In Italian I can say "crap, shit, take me now, condoms(that one was on accident) right, left, the d word, f you (two different ways)"
and a few other things. I should probably learn more useful phrases like ' where is the bathroom,' and 'my name is Beth. What's yours?' But of course, I would NEVER remember those even though I attempted to learn them today. Why would I find silly little phrases like those useful or funny? No, I'll stick with my dirty phrases. They are much more entertaining, and they make my middle-school mind way happier.
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